96. A hopeless case

Midlife crises, adventure, and food

What I’m up to

We’re in Dubai visiting friends. It’s been the perfect vacation combining the adventure of being in a new place, time doing nothing, wonderful company (+baby cuddles), and an abundance of delicious food.

Yesterday we took a day trip to Khorfakkan. We hiked in a wadi, gazed out at the Arabian Gulf, and crossed in and out of Oman.

Today it was a different kind of excursion: we went to the Dubai Mall, where we snapped pics of the Burj Khalifa and went a little crazy at the Kinokuniya book store.

What I’m thinking about

I watched Past Lives on the plane (that, and 2/3 of Asteroid City). I expected Past Lives to be affecting, and it was — even more than I anticipated. I can’t stop thinking about the film. It aligns so closely with thoughts I’ve had about midlife — the realization that this is my one life, and — amidst the joys — I have to live with my choices and the losses that come with those choices.

It brings to mind this Dear Sugar column I’ve linked to before and think of often: “The Ghost Ship that Didn’t Carry Us.”

Past Lives was particularly poignant because it’s also an immigrant story. There’s a point in which the protagonist digs into her decision to choose to make a life for herself in North America; in this case, her choice is not just a decision towards an identity, but a decision away from an identity. The loss is not just a loss of place or loved ones, but of parts of herself.

I’m also thinking about my word for 2024. I think I’m going to steal S’s 2023 word: connection. More on this next year!

What I’m learning

An old friend of mine is training to become a nurse-coach, and I am lucky lucky to benefit from her need to accumulate more practicum hours. Every week, we have a call in which she asks me questions about different aspects of my life. She then leaves me with several practical goals for the following week.

I’ve already benefited from her wisdom. Something she taught me early on is about something called the “amygdala hijack.” Basically, when we encounter stress, the “flight or fight” response actually overtakes our rational brain function. So it’s actually impossible to talk ourselves down when we’re already overcome with anxiety or stress. What we need to do instead is to be mindful of how we feel before we hit the stress threshold. That’s when it’s still possible to rationally talk ourselves down.

What I’m reading

I still haven’t finished Iron Flame. I just renewed the audiobook for the third time. It’s a hopeless case.

Started Celestial Bodies by Jokha Alharthi in anticipation of our Oman visit next week.

Finished Love, Nina by Nina Stibbe, as charming and cozy as I’d hoped after reading Stibbe’s fiction.

On deck: A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine, most recommended by friends when I posted a plea for fantasy recommendations. I also picked up a collection of Claire Keegan’s short stories.

What I’m digging

The Gemini app — it’s a photo management app that uses the approach of choosing what to keep instead of choosing what to delete. Somehow it’s more effective.

Fino Hair Mask. This is a Japanese product, but it’s easy to find. It has completely saved my super dry hair.

Kind of digging: Crocs. 😩 I kept borrowing the kids’ Crocs, so I finally got my own, almost 20 years after my first love-hate relationship with Crocs.

One of my Christmas presents - an adjustable kettlebell. What I’m really digging is focusing on strength training instead of cardio.

Ethiopian food. It occurred to me that going out for Ethiopian food is the epitome of a special treat. I’ve never lived anywhere with an Ethiopian restaurant, and I can recall every single one of the maybe two dozen Ethiopian meals I’ve had, whether it was in Dar es Salaam, Washington DC, LA… or here in the UAE. Plus it is just so delicious.

What I’ve saved

My friend S sent me this video, which is what led me to redownload the Gemini app.

I love learning about what goes on behind book cover design.

Until next time,

Kate