What I’m up to
I just got back from a massive dinner of Korean barbecue with some good friends. We don’t often go into town for meals during weeknights anymore (now that our kids have so many extracurricular activities that keep us busy), but I remember now how much I enjoy it. (No pictures because I was too busy eating.)
I spent Saturday morning in a recording studio. Have I mentioned I occasionally moonlight as a voice actor? Actually, voice acting is a bit of a stretch — what I do is narrate textbooks for an ESL curriculum company. I read instructions, vocab lists, sample sentences — all the stuff that requires a professional, neutral (NPR) voice. What’s funny is I am absolutely useless at actual voice acting. This time, they needed me to read a few lines as a grandmother. I tried maybe 20 different takes, and they ended up smiling nervously and saying they’ll figure something out. Haha.
What I’m reading
The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes. My friend L, one of our school librarians, recommended it to me as an effortless, fun read and that’s exactly what it is. It’s about a teenager who suddenly finds out she is an heiress to a billion-dollar fortune, but she has no idea why. I am only a third of the way into the book, so I don’t yet know why, either. :)
I finished Joan is Okay by Weike Wang. It’s about a Chinese-American doctor in NYC who keeps the world at a distance. It took me a while to get the main character, but once I did, I really enjoyed the book. It takes place right before and after the initial spread of Covid.* The book is primarily about Joan’s relationship with her family and how she navigates her day-to-day life. There is a subplot that stood out to me, about the protagonist’s relationship with her neighbor. In any other book, the neighbor character is perfect love-interest material — he’s charming, quirky, insistent on being friends. But here, in the context of Joan’s (very realistic) frame of mind, the neighbor’s good intentions take on a different hue in a way that really made me think about the voices we tend to romanticize.
*I still find reading/watching fictional people deal with Covid so bizarre and uncomfortable, but I also feel weird when I watch movies with crowds in which no one is wearing masks!
What I’m thinking about
When to speak up and when to keep my mouth shut.
I know I’m not supposed to say everything that comes to mind (or do I? Do I really know this? haha), BUT I really struggle with feeling like not speaking up is somehow lying. One of my core values is integrity, which to me is having what I think/say/do match up. I now realize this is, perhaps, a stunted and immature interpretation of integrity, but it’s hard to adjust.
In my absolutely-got-my-money’s-worth-50-minute-one-shot therapy session last week, I asked the counselor the question above — when should I speak up, and when should I… not? She said one thing she does is pause before talking to consider how to say something. How can I say this in a way that will be well-received?
I like this question better than wondering whether to say something, even though pausing to consider how may help me decide not to say anything, after all.
What I’m learning
I love participating in our school’s Cross Country program for so many reasons, but one of the main reasons is it takes away the need to make the decision to run three days a week. Everyone knows showing up is at least half of the battle, and having no choice but to show up is kind of great.
One of my favorite things about being an adult is having agency in how I spend my time, but there are perks to surrendering control. I like not having to decide whether or not to run. I like a job that makes me get up early in the morning, so I don’t have to decide whether or not to sleep in. I like committing to write a newsletter that forces me to think about what I’m thinking about each week. Left to my own devices, I would likely have a harder time making good decisions.
What I’m learning is making commitments — even commitments to things that are painful, time-consuming, not always fun — is often better than just relying on my own willpower or prioritizing my freedom by shying away from involvement.
Unfortunately, our Cross Country season was cut short due to heightened government Covid regulations, so now I have to find another way to stay motivated! :/
What I’m doing
Playing around with the Stream Deck app. Stream Deck is a device made for streamers that allows you to change cameras, switch scenes, add audio, etc. etc. at a touch of a programmed button, but they also have an app version, which is what I’m trying. I am not a streamer, but Stream Deck is also just super useful for productivity in general, because you can program buttons for all sorts of non-streaming-related actions for easy accessibility.
Right now, I am using the free trial of the mobile app version to decide whether I’d use it enough to warrant purchasing a physical device. I currently have buttons programmed to add tasks to Todoist, paste class lists, toggle apps, insert my most-used emojis (🤦🏻😅🙈😬👌🏼🙏🏽🎉), control Spotify, run a five-minute task timer, take a screenshot, etc. etc. etc. #nerd
What I’ve saved
Everyone loves Wordle, but here’s another addictive game (that’s — fortunately or unfortunately — not limited to one round a day) that has you placing Wikipedia entries in a timeline. (via Ann Friedman)
I really love Caroline Cala Donofrio’s writing. Here she writes about slowly training for a half marathon, sharing — beautifully! — a sentiment I know so well:
Up on the bridge, calves burning, cold air in my throat, racing seemed like a bit of a fool’s errand. And maybe it still is. But I remembered why I started running in the first place — because few things make me feel more alive.
We may not control what happens, but we can control how we react to it. We can control what we value. We can control what we do. Amidst the shifting variables, trying is a goal that’s always worth it. So today, and in the days that follow, let us try.
Until next time,
Kate
So curious for more thoughts/exposition/clarification on this statement of yours, that you “now realize this is, perhaps, a stunted and immature interpretation of integrity” after noting that “One of my core values is integrity, which to me is having what I think/say/do match up.”