107. A progressive expansion

Sports, God, etc.

What I’m up to

I’m a little listless, to be honest. It’s been a weird May. Paul is in TZ, some friends have already left for the summer, more friends are packing up to leave for good. I feel like I’m standing still while everything is spinning around me.

I’m also mourning Celtics’ exit from the playoffs, but more than that, Tatum’s injury. I know everyone hates Boston — I used to, too — but if you just take a second to see how the team interacts with one another on- and off-court, it feels impossible not to love them. Tatum gets a lot of crap for being “corny” (come on), but man is he a class act.

Watching sports again after a 20-year hiatus has been comically traumatic. (If you know me, you know it’s impossible for me to be meh about anything. I’m ALL in when I’m in ← both love and hate this about myself.)

BUT wow, the beauty of Game 5, watching the team come together in tribute to Tatum; the fun it is to heckle and be heckled by middle school boys; the late nights/early mornings watching Arsenal (mostly lose, sadly); the joy of Derrick White’s toothy smile; and then in real life, the heart-in-my-throat feeling watching Lucy tear it up, making layup after layup — I hate sports, but I love it. It’s the refrain of pretty much everything I write: there’s pain in joy, joy in pain.

Oh, also I finished grad school for the semester and am taking a break for the first time since I started.

Unrelated image, but I love Kaohsiung.

What I’m reading

Not much. Midway through Colm Tóibín’s Long Island, the sequel to the equally spare and beautiful Brooklyn.

Finished Stolen Focus with LSAB Book Club. On average, we gave it four out of five stars.

I have quite a number of books languishing in half-read book limbo right now.

What I’m watching

Andor Season 2! I think it’s safe to say this is the best thing I’ve watched this year. Episode 8 may be in the top 10 of best TV episodes I’ve ever seen.

I watched a late-night showing of The Accountant 2 (oh, excuse me, The Accountant²) was some equally impulsive friends, and it was an excellent movie-watching experience (although I did have trouble with the central conflict of the movie hitting a little close to reality). I have to admit, I watched it because of this.

What I’m thinking about

This quote, from my friend C via an IG post: “Addiction is a progressive narrowing of the things that bring you pleasure. A good life is a progressive expansion of the things that bring you pleasure.”

Things that brought me pleasure this week:

• Watching Lucy’s opponents cheer for her at the bball tourney

• Losing badly at poker to people I love

• Laughing uproariously while watching Predator for the first time

• Spontaneous late-night plans

• Paul’s pictures from Tanzania

• My bed, which is the most comfortable bed in the world

• Destroying students in Nitrotype

• Driving seniors to 7-11

• Racing home to watch Andor with A

• A croissant run with my kids

• L & A playing music together, just for fun

• Spontaneous massage run with R & S

• Listening to my students affirm each other

• Watching my ES kids delight in Viola Swamp

• Insane work-related memes sent by friends

• Feta cheese on my salads

• Mentor meeting with S, whom I can’t wait to teach again someday

• My AP Lit kids playing in the secondary concert (albeit very unenthusiastically lol)

What I’m learning

Have you read The Body Keeps the Score? I haven’t, but from what I understand, it’s about how your body experiences, reacts to, and changes due to trauma. I’ve had a relapse of sorts of my heart issues (ongoing discomfort, spikes in my blood pressure, more reliance on medication), and my doctor keeps telling me it’s stress. “But I don’t feel stressed,” I keep telling him. BUT then I think about everything that’s happening right now — my closest friends leaving, one without much warning; end-of-school-year busyness; solo parenting; the world a “flaming trash cake hurtling through the ether” — and I think, oh, yeah, maybe I am stressed.

During staff devotions this week, my colleague L shared about the Bible verses that represented each stage of his life. He got me thinking about my own verses, my own life. In high school, my favorite verse was Isaiah 26:3: “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” I think I’m bringing that verse back. How I long for perfect peace, for a steadfast mind.

My doctor keeps telling me to do breathing exercises to rebalance my nervous system. Have you heard of breath prayers? Funnily enough, I was reminded about breath prayers when I reread Franny & Zooey (Franny is one of my favorite pieces of writing). Usually my default breath prayer is “Lord have mercy.” Now I’m praying, “Lord Jesus, help me trust.”

I believe; help my unbelief.

What I’m digging

Have I mentioned how much I love Bub, my tiny Prius? He’s so cute, and the AC is so cold.

I’m digging the shredded cabbage salad from Costco, which is basically what I’ve been eating every day this week

Until next time,

Kate