105. The miraculous task of living
Word of the year, AI, and my favorite Christmas presents
What I’m up to
I’ve been pondering resolutions and goals for the new year.
Last year’s word was “connection.” I really wanted to make some new friends and revive the extroverted me that had lain dormant for years. It worked (maybe too well).
This year… my first impulse is to resolve not to be “everyday lazy.” I am not a lazy person about big things - I work out regularly, I get tasks done ahead of schedule, I take on non-required big projects. But I am pretty lazy about little things, like taking the stairs, parking far away, and, uh… getting up to use the bathroom. I’ve been trying to think of how to word this goal in a positive way. I guess I resolve to be “everyday motivated.”
What I’m thinking about
I’ve had this Joseph Fasano poem running through my head for the past several weeks:
I’ve been contemplating the literal meaning of the poem - students’ AI use - but also what it means in a broader sense.
As I mentioned in my last newsletter, I have been in the throes of a bit of a midlife crisis. I’ve found myself wishing away this season — I am so sick of dealing with this — but then… what is “this?” Isn’t “this” life? “What [am I] trying to be free of?”
“Love is for the ones who love the work” has become my mantra. I think of it when I am tempted to open TikTok instead of finishing the article I’m reading. I think of it when I’m tired of having the same conflict with the same person. I think of it when I catch myself focusing on the end of something instead of the doing of something.
This brings me back to AI, the literal subject of the poem - I think of those last lines, about love being “for the ones who love the work,” when I’m tempted to use AI for wordsmithing, because thinking of the right words to say in the right order is hard. Here’s my own guideline for using AI: I use it when it saves me “busywork” or when it’s just a more efficient version of a tool I already use. I try not to use it when it enables me to skip over a skill I want to have, or when it means missing out on learning I want to accomplish.
What I’m learning
Over winter break, I met up with former-student, now-friend M. Catching up with M was pure delight. We talked about everything from late-stage capitalism to Luigi to brain drain to the American Dream to AI use in education and marketing to what we’re reading.
It was such a life-giving change from the usual conversations I have about work (which, to be fair, I also love). I find I tend to have the same conversations over and over with the same people. I sometimes withhold from going deeper - from fear? Because it’s hard? I’m not sure.
This leads me to another thing I’ve been thinking a lot about lately: loneliness. I don’t think anyone would think of me as a lonely person. I have very good friends whom I talk to/see regularly. I have a family I love and genuinely enjoy. But there are times I feel greedy for more. Sometimes it feels like there’s a hole in my chest I am desperate to fill.
This week was Life Week at school. The guest speakers unpacked Song of Songs, highlighting the kind of relationship we humans desire (mutual, exclusive, intimate). The main point, though? Ultimately, no human - be it a parent, a spouse, a best friend - can fully provide everything we desire.
If there’s a hole in my heart, only God can fill it.
What I’m watching
I’m adding this subheading because I am watching more TV these days, as you can probably tell from previous newsletters.
I recently finished Say Nothing, about members of the IRA - and those they “disappeared” - during the Troubles. It was excellent - tied with Shogun and Chernobyl for the best of what I watched this year. It can be difficult to get through (one episode in particular is harrowing), but I highly recommend it.
I am also watching SO MUCH sports (which is often an exercise in heartbreak and frustration, tbh).
What I’m reading
I’m in the middle of The Bee Sting by Paul Murray. I picked this up not knowing anything about it except it was one of the NYC public library system’s most borrowed books last year. It’s good.
God of the Woods by Liz Moore - This is a literary thriller set in a summer camp in the Adirondacks, and Moore’s writing is a master class in capturing a sense of place. (Obama included it on his summer reading list).
The Wedding People by Alison Espach - This won the top Goodreads award this year. It did not disappoint. It’s about a woman who shows up at a luxury hotel to end her life, only to find everyone else in the hotel is there for a wedding. She finds herself embroiled in wedding preparations and drama, forcing an engagement with life she had been missing.
Green Dot by Madeline Gray - I kind of hated this book. It’s about a young woman who begins an affair with a superior at a job she hates. I found the characterization uneven and the book as a whole depressing. There’s a whole genre of books I avoid, books in which characters are so bitter and critical, it makes me despair that this may be how people are in real life. This is that-genre-adjacent.
Better than the Movies / Nothing Like the Movies by Lynn Painter - This is a YA duology that’s quite delightful. Read if you’re a fan of 90s romcoms. The first is sweet and fun, while the second (which follows the characters into college and adulthood) is a little heavier in tone (but still sweet!).
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath - Read this for the first time, and found it quite surprising.
Beautyland by Marie-Helene Bertino - I loved this. It’s about an alien who is born on earth to observe humanity. It’s a wrenching look at the darkness and beauty of our world.
Come and Get it by Kiley Reid - I really liked Such a Fun Age, and while this was pretty propulsive as well, it fell flat for me. (The characters veer towards Green Dot-levels of unlikeability.)
Funny Story by Emily Henry - I’m weirdly not into Emily Henry romances, but this one was pretty enjoyable. (But I’d recommend Romantic Comedy by Curtin Sittenfeld, Nora Goes Off Script by Annabel Monaghan, and Funny You Should Ask by Elissa Sussman if you’re looking for a romance rec.)
What I’m digging
My favorite Christmas presents this year: a Turkish cotton robe (from Paul), NBA 2K25 (!!! from Lucy), and a set of napkin rings personalized for each member of the family (from Anna).
My “purse Kindle,” which I got for my birthday.
Cashmere sweaters I purchased at… (drumroll)… Costco! I can’t stop wearing them.
New windshield wipers, which are life-changing.
Until next time,
Kate
God definitely can fill the hole in our hearts. 💕
Pure delight?! 😳 I agree ☺️